How Dare!

I came across this thing called the world wide web recently. I've been told it's also referred to as the Internet. Well, it was sent from Satan to destroy the world! Let me educate you on the evil of its ways. It destroys jobs because who is going to go out to buy things at a register from a person when they can have it delivered to them at their home? It promotes hatred because there are websites for hate groups. It allows for capitalism to prevail, advertising overwhelms the experience of internet use. It allows for people to publish things about eating babies! There are things that promote the eating of animals! And journalists are losing their jobs because newspapers can't compete with this Internet fad! Job losses abound and multiply as this Internet pheomenon sweeps the world. People are starving and dying while you order your new cushions for your lounge chair with the click of a mouse. Incidentally, the cushions are made by the children who aren't being eaten in sweatshops across the world. Boycott the Internet! Stop sitting on your high-horse with your cushions, snacking on turkey legs and babies like a savage sultan and spitting upon the common man, you hateful internet users!